Although it seems funny now, I didn't get along well with Chinese Toilets. I know they are low maintenance and the whole rest of the world uses them and all all but damn!
I'm really honky and that thing freaked me out.
By the time we got back to Hong Kong, I'd been three days without a western style toilet. Things were rough. Most of the toilets in Hong Kong guest houses seem to be small low water jobs that look like nothing so much as a marine toilet. Still, as long as it was somewhere I could sit...
I started day 5 in Angel Guest House, Hong Kong, with this small apology.
Dear small western style toilet,
I love you man. I have missed you more than I ever imagined a man could miss a toilet.
I never knew how much you meant to me until you were gone. I feel a little weepy right now. I'm not sure if it's because of the emotions or because I've got a really bad cramp. I love you so much!
I've been so lost and alone. Two days ago I thought I'd found you in a KFC but I was wrong.
I want you to know I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I've always treated you...well, like a toilet. I've taken advantage of you thoughtlessly, frankly, I've been using you all these years and I'm sorry. I'll never forget how much you mean to me now.
I'm also sorry for what I'm about to do. I've been in China for three long, lonely days. I know what I'm about to do is wrong and terrible and desperate, but these are desperate times and I am a desperate man. I'm sorry. I love you guest house toilet.
Love,
The Hong Kong Honky
I was so traumatized, I made a tee-shirt.
I've Crapped and I Can't Get Up by theedgeofthedream
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