Monday, November 5, 2012

Funny Stuff: Chinese Fire Oil or The Four Horsemen of the Esophagus

I've never really fancied myself a super-spicy foods kind of guy but I hold my own.  To me the perfect spice goes almost unnoticed at first bite, makes your nose run by half way through the plate and has you in tears at the end.  Not to macho, not too sissy.

I had also been told that the food in Southern China is spicy.  I was not told that by spicy they meant, consuming flames from the third gate of hell.  Minxi tried to warn me.  We were in Tung Kung Noodle just off of Kowloon park when I picked up the hot oil.

"Be careful Xiao Guo Gou."  She warned.  "Hot."

I remember thinking that there was something a little bit odd about the glow in the drops of oil I poured onto my soups.  They had a bit of a glow of their own, like a sword while its being forged.

Let's see.  What was it like?  Well, I couldn't swallow, and my sinuses; You know that surgery where they take a roto-router and did out your sinuses?   Yeah, I'll never need that.

My lips burned for hours afterwards and I was horse all afternoon.

Minxi kept trying to get me to order another bowl but no, I was to macho.  Spoonful after spoonful I brought up to my mouth.  I coughed, I wheezed and I swallowed.  

You remember that painting of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?  Yeah, they missed one, Chinese Fire Oil, The Horseman of the Esophagus

Spicy Chinese Food
Spicy, The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse

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