Monday, April 2, 2012

Fun with Chinese Spam Part 1: Ready the Depth Charges

Since I started dating Minxi, I've managed to make it onto a number of Chinese Spam lists.  Every day or so I get an email in my spam folder that is entirely in Chinese.  This is great fun for me because I can't read any Chinese at all.

At first I was just entertaining myself by replying with messages like "Dear sir or ma'am.  I'm afraid that I cannot read this email as I don't speak putonghua.  If you would be kind enough to translate into English and resubmit, I will be glad to consider your offer."   No has has responded yet but I'm keeping my hopes up.

I also like to send them my chicken foot soup recipe.

Things got much more exciting for me recently when I fed one of these guys to Google's translator and found that I have been receiving Chinese spam selling sex toys.  Whooo hoo!  Now that entertainment.

Out of fear that I might be posting something really vulgar, I'm not going to give you the putonghua, but I just had to share some of the "items" for sale in this email as reported by Google's translator.  I'll let your mind work on just what these things are.

1.  Jump the Tiodan.

2.  Indian God Oil

3.  Strong Brushed Body Lubricant

4.  Security A Box

5.  And my personal favorite:  "Tiodan Depth Charges."  Oh so many bad puns calling to me.  I must resist.

This email also came with an interesting warning that I think we should all be aware of:  "Pay Close attention to snapping. [Pin Million Come Snapped.]"  Now that's what I call good advice.  How many romantic evenings (even those with security A Boxes) have been ruined by an unexpected snapping?

I'm not sure how I got on these guys' list.  Try hanging around Chinese dating sites for a while, maybe you can pick them up too.

Chinese Spam.  It's not just for breakfast anymore.

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