Saturday, March 31, 2012

Funny Stuff: My Daughter's One Liner or Why I Stayed Single So Long

This story doesn't really relate to Minxi and I very well unless it could be said that this explains why I stayed single so long and it is very funny.  You see, I was subject to the worst cock block ever in history.   The following story is completely and totally true in every way.

First, my daughter dressed as some sort of nature nymph:

Child dressed as nature creature, great smile
The Culprit

She smiles like that because she remembers what she did on my birthday.  That's right, this sweet charming child not only delivered the worst cock block in history she did it to me and on my birthday.  

You see, six months after the divorce, her mother, rather than help her buy me a birthday present, gave her some money to take me out to dinner for my birthday.  The child was naturally very excited and announced that she wanted to take me to the local hibachi restaurant; Kiku.

Kiku Japanese Hibachi restaurant Topeka, Kansas
The Scene of The Crime
We sat down at the end of one of those long tables and waited for the chef to start the show.  While we were waiting, a woman about my age and her son, who was about my daughter's age sat down next to us.  The seating arrangement was like this:

son-woman-me-my evil devil child 

I hadn't had much stomach for dating since the divorce but that was now six months behind me and the woman was cute and it was my birthday, so I put on my game face and started with the chatting.  Well, what do you know, she was single too.  Don't know where baby daddy had gotten off to.  Didn't ask.  Divorce is not good "I'm thinking about hitting on you" talk.  The chatter went well.  "What school did her son go to?  Oh really?  Yes, I live in the apartments on Gage street.   Your friend lives there?  What a coincidence.  What building?"

It wasn't love at first sight or anything but she was showing some interest and had a nice sense of humor.  I got the impression that she had been off dating too, but that she was enjoying the attention.

By the time the cook got done flipping his spatulas and catching eggs in his hat, there was some flirt in it too.  Just small.  Ooops, our knees bumped.  Her putting her hand on my shoulder while she laughed at my joke.  Not much, but signs.  You know...signs.

By the time they came around with the little bowls of sherbet, I was feeling pretty good.  She was leaning across me to talk to my daughter who seemed to be enjoying this woman's company as well.  I felt pretty sure I'd be seeing her again soon.

It turned out that her son and I have the same birthday and they were there for his birthday dinner too. Seeing a good tie in, and not realizing that I had a mini-she devil sitting next to me, I said, "Actually, my daughter is paying for dinner tonight because it's my birthday too."

My daughter, sweet daughter, love of my life, leaned in and interjected, "Actually, mom's paying for dinner."




Let's rewind and see that again in slow motion.  The flirt is on.  The woman is interested.  I go to make my move and the helpful child says;   ""

The woman looked at my child,  looked at me,  and turned around.  End of conversation.  End of eye contact.  End of my love life.   The prefect cock block.

She had no idea what she'd done.  It was about a year later driving past that same restaurant when she said, "You know dad, I understand what I did."   "When you did what honey?"   "The other day I realized why what I said to that lady at dinner was so bad."   She was so young and so innocent.  I was so blocked but there was nothing I could do but weep.

She's 13 now and proud of what she did.  She brings it up when I'm with my friends.

True story; my daughter, the evil cock blocking robot.  

sweet child with bright smile and beautiful eyes

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